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Shit my father is too stupid to figure out

To: Son
From: Dad
Date: Thu, Dec 2, 2010 at 12:23 PM
Subject: Google phone

When my laptop rings with a google phone call, and I'm not sitting with he laptop directly in front of me, but have it sitting 3 feet away from me after I've been looking and editing some photos, and the photoshop window is still open, but igoogle and gmail are also open because igoogle automatically opens when i open chrome and earlier I checked my email, how in the [redacted] do i answer the [redacted] thing?

So, after i miss the laptop call and the caller leaves me a message that i can only seem to hear by checking my piece of [redacted] smart phone, only to have to wait awhile while the voice message "downloads".

Since Mom doesn't appear to have any of these problems, it only makes sense to me that I'm retarded or cursed, and I'm [redacted] sick of it, and I yearn to return to the Tetons, or Yellowstone, or Sequoia, or Kings Canyon, or Yosemite, where "smart phones" and the internet are only available to those who can afford to stay in the "cabins" and "lodges" reserved for those who went to college ([redacted]) and not for those poor stupid, feeble bastards who sleep in their van or a tent.

Gee, wouldn't all my difficulties make for a great post for your blog:
You could call it "Shit my father is too stupid to figure out".

Angry and not laughing.


To: Dad
From Son
Date: Sun, Dec 5, 2010 at 11:15 PM
Subject: re: Google phone

I know we covered some of this in person earlier today but a follow up never hurts or am I about to to prove that wrong...

I think the best way for me to respond here is to break your email down into sections and try to address each one individually. Please bear in mind that your more specific concerns are easily resolved, but your deeper yearning for a time forgotten in a land far far way devoid of cocksuckers, will most likely not be adequately addressed.

1. Google Talk Voice Calls: "how in the [redacted] do i answer the [redacted] thing?"
When you computer is ringing, the '[redacted] thing' that is making the noise is 'Talk' in Gmail. When we set up your Google Voice account we set it up so that if anyone called your GV number, it would ring your mobile and Talk (if you have Gmail open). Sometimes I think I might subconsciencely set up these little extras just to screw with you, but since it's my subconscience, it's not my fault. The catch 22 here is that you need to have the technical prowess readily available to navigate back to the browser window you left Gmail open in. If you cannot find the already open Gmail window, you're screwed. Use the "ALT+Tab" Luke...

2. Voice Mail: "i can only seem to hear by checking my piece of [redacted] smart phone"
Not really sure if there is a question here or if you are just making a blanket statement regarding accessing your voice mail, but since it would be inaccurate if it were a statement, I will assume there is a question mark in there somewhere. You can check your voice mail from either your piece of [redacted] smartphone or by going to Google Voice. Either one will work, just use what ever your preference is, but if you are sitting at your computer, it might be easier to just get the voice mail by going to the web site then finding your phone... and yes when you need to listen to a voice mail on your phone, it needs to download from the server first. This typically takes seconds... which I understand you do not have. Perhaps you should connect to the WiFi when at home to expedite the download process, that or leave a voice mail instructing people to not leave you a voice mail and instead go pound sand... either way.

3. Did you just call me a [redacted]?

4. I completely agree that your trial and tribulations in the technical arena would make a fantastic blog post, thank you for the recommendation. Since you have granted your permission I will be posting this exchange with your suggested title, thanks pops!

Short of breath and laughing my ass off.

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