2011-06-27

Homemade Arm Weights

(Other working title was, Stinky Wannabe Goku)

I walked through the little kitchen area at work and did a full blown double take when I saw this dude just sitting there at a table. It wasn't the fact that he was sitting there that induced the 'taking of double' but it was the fact that homeboy was rocking two, GIANT, ace bandages wrapped around both his wrists. We are talking 12+ inches thick! Inquisitive as I am I asked the dude what happened to his wrists, assuming he had some crazy halo contraption hidden under the bandages following some horrific unicycle accident. To my utter delight he informed me he was wearing homemade arm weights. My first reaction: AWESOME!!! I have spent many hours dreaming what my life would have been like if I wore weighted clothing all the time and this was as freaking close as I had ever come! I run up to the dude to start questioning him, but abruptly stop short about 4 feet out. Have you ever smelt something so pungent you can tell exactly where it's coming from? I mean like pinpoint the odor to within a centimeter? The smell coming from this dude, specifically this dude's arm weights, was as piercing as an ammonia inhalant. My eyes began watering immediately. Despite this smell of rotting death, I had to learn more about his weights. It turned out this dude had been wearing them for over 6 years, starting in middle school all through high school, and even now. He also, had never, ever, taken them off. Without wanting to be a dick I decided not to ask if he ever washed the weights, I knew the answer already and it was gross. I also learned he wore them for basketball. Wait what? He was not even a fighter?!?! I gave this kid a cross look as I decided to myself that I could destroy him with one hit (all 85 pounds of him)... even if I never got the chance to wear weighted training clothes. Deflated, I walked back to my office ate a burrito. Then I drew a picture of him, I even captured his smug 'ooh I play basketball with stupid wrist things on' look.