Skip to main content

Wanted: Substitute Wife

Last week my wife decided to hit me with 2 bombshells. First, she tells me that her mom is dropping off their dogs, or perhaps more apporpriatley named, the dog-in-laws, and they will be joining our already K9 infested home. This highly appreciated little agreement brings the grand total of of dogs in this house to 8, yes 8 dogs... which I will gladly break down for you now:
5- Pugs 1- Lab 1- English Bulldog 1- Shih Tzu (Lab not pictured, obviously) So far things are not going well. The Shih Tzu barks... all the damn time, which sucks, but it is an improvement from it's last visit which included rolling in shit and rubbing it all over the house and furniture (PS the Shih Tzu's name is Snuggles, yet I refuse to snuggle anything that is covered in poop). The bulldog, well I actually like the Bulldog, or at least I used to. He would be great if he quit trying to eat the Pugs. The twins hate him and refuse to play any of his bulldog games, instead they just tag team him until he figures out they are not "playing" and then he goes all Brock Lesnar on their furry little asses. Then there is Doo... our "special" little Pug, who actually had a close call with a bulldog once before, but flat out refuses to believe that he is 1/16 the size of his opponent and subsequently causes the biggest fights, because he "rallies the troops" and then everyone starts fighting anyone is nearby (reminds me of a good hockey fight...just louder). Oh, and I cannot forget the Lab.. also "special", but really he just has issues with jumping in the pool then running back in the house. In case you don't know, we have no carpet... at all, so when I step in a wet dog puddle on the tile... it is hard not to go down. Obviously watching all these dogs is going to suck. Luckily my wife will be there to help... which brings me to bombshell number 2. During the stay of the above mentioned dog-in-laws, the wife will be house sitting for our friends. That's right she will not even be here. So far things are not good. Monday morning began with shih tzu barking at 4:30 and NEVER ENDING, one of the pugs threw up on the bathroom rug, the bulldog started a fight before they were even fed, and someone pissed on my pillow. As far as the rest of life is concerned, the trash can has been full since Traci left, I have an upset stomach, I am running out of clean clothes, my bed is still not made from the previously mentioned pissing incident, and the two MAJOR successes for today are I still have a job and Rob is not in jail. Needless to say, I am taking applications for a substitute wife. I use fill-ins all the time on dates, like to the Improv, dinner, and movies, so why not now? If you are interested in helping me survive until Thursday, please fill out an application (see link below)! Thank you and God bless. Substitute Wife Application View Applicant Responses Here

Popular posts from this blog

"Insurance"

Why is "insurance" in quotes?

Some More Thoughts about Project Fi

First off... I’m still using Project Fi.This post originally started as a response to a comment about people quitting Project Fi too early and not letting the Project grow and improve... but it got long, so now it's a blog post. Boom.
I agree with many that Project Fi is still in its early stages, in “Project” mode, and has not been around long enough to work out all the kinks. The things some people say it offers that other services don’t (cross device calls and texts) can be achieved for free with Google Voice and there is very little difference to the end users. The biggest things Project Fi has going for it are these two things:

1. WiFi Assistant

This could/should be huge… like really super duper huge. Free high speed WiFi all over the place. Stream and browse at will! That said I’ve been on Project Fi for 4 months and have only had 3 or 4 keys. This needs to improve drastically in order to mitigate the large price increase people coming from far more data friendly plans would…