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Attack of the Rotten Pug-atoes

...also proficient with a Bo staff

oooh look me... I'm so cool...
I don't know who my wife thinks she is, but she is definitely walking a very thin line right now. 
For those who don't know, we have five pugs; Chloe, Pugsley, Wednesday, Moo, and Doo. Yep, count em'...five. Plus we have my brother in law's large white lab; an under fed and cognitively impaired sack of psycho with whatever the dog version of ADHD is called. That's a lot of dogs. A lot. So just imagine my surprise when after a few weeks of joking around with me, the little woman tells me she is now a pug rescue foster parent and proceeds to introduce me to our first foster pug, name Kazelle (or something), a small black female pug with one eye and some arthritis.
Grrr woman, we can't handle any more pugs! We already have 5 and I am pretty convinced their sole purpose in life has become trying to annoy me. They are constantly leaving their fur everywhere, toys are strewn about the house, they spill water near their bowl and refuse to clean up after themselves. Not to mention they have been very defiant with using the toilet and continue to shit on my lawn, not cool. At least Kazelle, the noob, doesn't defecate all over my lawn... no, she thinks walking in the grass is weird and proceeds to drop her bombs on the pool deck (I am also pretty sure she's racist, cause the only time she barks or growls is when that white lab is around). Even more troubling then their lack of manners, respect, and hygiene, is their newly found cocky attitude. Seriously, look at Doo here (middle pic). What a pompous ass.
Yeah, I'm sleeping in front of the fridge... what of it?
So six pugs and one lab. That is crazy. But the wife is, for the most part, handling it. Then less than a week later, I hear the garage door open, then the laundry room door, and then I see a huge four legged fawn creature with a black face strut into my house like he effing built it himself out of logs and is coming into to make make some flapjacks. My wife follows him in shortly after. The creature walking before me is another pug. His name is Fraynke. The average weight of a pug (according to the internet) is about 14 - 18 lbs with a height of about 9 inches. Fraynke however, is like the pug version of Theocles. This guy is easily a foot tall and 28lbs. He's not fat, just built big, like a tank. He is Fraynke the Tank. Fraynke's only deal is that he has a food allergy and itches. I alos noticed that he refuses to sleep in the "pug room" (our bathroom barricaded with a baby gate). No, that's not how Fraynke rolls. Fraynke sleeps where he damn well pleases, after he makes damn sure he is comfortable. What that means for me is that he comes into bed sometime around 11, rams into the wife and I repeatedly as he rubs his back and face against the sheets to make sure they (the sheets) are comfortable, kisses each of us a couple times by standing on our face, then stretches out in between us and proceeds to snore. 
7 pugs and a small donkey... so much hair. Although, admittedly, the two noobs are pretty chill pugs who just need a home (not mine). So do my wife a favor (you're helping her here, not me. I might be forced to 'relocate' her if we cannot help these pugs find 'forever homes') and point anyone you know over to the Arizona Pug Adoption and Rescue Network and help Kazelle and Fraynke out (quick, look at the sad eyes...).



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