His and Hers Living Rooms

Let's just face it, not everyone can agree on everything all the time. 

Some people can consistently operate multiple remotes adjusting audio and video input settings based on the configuration of the input peripherals with the display and audio output devices... and some people need a one button controls all setup. Some people like to watch Pirates of the Caribbean in 1080p with the 5.1 Dolby digital blasting and bass rattling the doors and windows... and some people like to watch The Proposal in 4:3 with the receiver set to 2 channel stereo. Some people like to watch great shows like Spartacus, Futurama, and The Venture Bros. and some people like to watch shows about greasy cake decorators, surgically altered single moms who exploit their children for a shot at pseudo stardom, and the tragic misadventures of cognitively impaired former playmates (two birds... BOOM).

Whatever the differences may be I do believe I may have found the perfect solution: His and Hers Living Rooms. While it works fantastically once in place, it is not an easy arrangement to make. There are 3 steps required; the initial ground work to initiate desire for the transition, the subtle construction/arrangement of a second living room, and lastly by the relocation of your significant other to her new quarters. I will walk you through each of them after the jump.

Step 1, Discomfort.
If someone is happy and comfortable where they are at, why would they want to change things. This is a simple but important fact, and the basis for all that will come. Your loved one needs to slowly become frustrated with the current situation of your shared living room. For starters, slowly increase the volume you watch shows at, relocate some speakers, adjust the levels of receiver and increase the volume your sub-woofer. Make sure that these things are easy for you to change back but difficult for someone else to adjust. You need to be able to come into a room and when asked quickly adjust everything like it's the most remedial task you have ever been asked to perform. This will undoubtedly frustrate your significant other and earn you one frustration point. You also should continually change the settings of your inputs Remember what I said earlier about comfort? Make operating your entertainment center an uncomfortable and foreign experience. When asked about the constant changes just say you are "optimizing" the settings for maximum potential, that should handle it. Lastly, never leave the settings or inputs in the same way. For example, if she primarily watches TV through the DVR, switch the TV input to a game console and receiver input to DVD before you turn it off. These little frustrations lay the ground work needed for step 2.
(Note: If you have a universal remote or command center type remote, destroy it.) 

Step 2, Construction.
Now that she is uncomfortable you need to quietly and discreetly begin making a more friendly and inviting environment that will lure her in like the song of a siren. Begin with the TV, if you don't have one at your disposal, buy a new bigger and better one than you currently have. Replace you current on with the new one, it being new and unfamiliar with continue the causes outlined in step 1, plus your room will get a fancy new TV. Set up the old familiar TV in the new space you have designated, set it up in a familiar fashion to what she was used to, make sure the remotes are baby simple to use, make sure there is comfortable seating and plenty of cup holders (chicks dig cup holders). Hopefully she will come ask you what you are doing while you are setting up, tell her you are just re-purposing the old TV and then quickly put in her favorite movie to "test the settings". She will udoubtly sit down in a comfy spot and watch the entire film. You should wander off to the other room and get in a few games of Battlefield Bad Company 2 while this happens. (Note: If you do not know her favorite film, just put on any thing with Sandra Bullock) Over the next few weeks slowly place more and more of her items from your living room into hers. At this point you will find she kind of wanders into it on her own and is starting to spend some time in there.

Step 3, Relocation.
You are now almost complete! In order to get full relocation accomplished you need to deliver a couple of "kill strokes" and finally make a "declaration". First you are going to need to change all the settings in your living room again. At this point her frustration with your settings will be at a tipping point, this is good. Kindly remind her how easy things are in the other room and then use a very technical jargon to explain why that is just not possible in this room. Second, move the last of any items she needs into her living room. Make sure there are no traces of you or your stuff in it, remember, this is her room. Lastly, it is time to say it. The next time you see her in her living room, walk in and say, "Wow, you really have got quite the space here." Then walk up and kiss her. This does two things; first, it gives her ownership of the room and second it throws her off the scent of any premeditation you had in these plans. (Note: I am not sure why but a kiss usually renders a woman speechless and dumbfounded for a few moments, at least that is my experience. Your results may vary.)

Well, there you have it. His and Hers Living Rooms. Just a free tip from me to help improve the lives of couples everywhere. If you have any questions about the steps please feel free to ask. If you give it a try please let me know how it works out for you! 


  1. This is my most favorite post. I was cracking up! Love it good work :)

  2. I was teary eyed as I read this epic post. Since his birth, nearly three decades ago, I tried to expose him and his sibs to the multiple and varied comedic genres that were available to us all. This wonderful post is proof that He was smelling what I was cooking. I am a proud Pop.
    God bless us everyone.


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